Tuesday, August 30, 2005

To All Givers of Unsolicited Advice

Yes, I have two toddler sons.
Yes, they are just a year apart.
Yes, I am pregnant with our third child.
Yes, I'm well aware of how that happens.

No, I don't need advice on the "options" for "making sure that doesn't happen again."

Some of you have known me for years, some of you are complete strangers on the street or in a store. All of you need to mind your own damn business.

We love our sons dearly. They are the best of friends, and we take great joy in watching them grow as individuals, as well as brothers. We are extremely happy about our next addition, a daughter, and ****newsflash*****SHE WAS PLANNED.

Yes, you read that right. We actively planned to have our children close in age. We have chosen not to raise a series of "only children" who have nothing in common, and are siblings in name only. That is our choice. It may not be the right one for everyone, but it's working just fine for us.

I am a good mother. Daddy McAustin is a good father. As a rule, our children are NOT the demanding spawn screaming at the table next to yours in the restaurant , nor the out-of-control maniacs running unchecked through the store aisles. We are striving to raise well-mannered, responsible citizens who posess good hearts, morals, and self control. By all accounts, we are doing a good job. But even if we weren't, you still have no right to impose your idea of family size or spacing on us.

The next time you see a family with multiple young children, if you can't say anything nice like "What well-behaved kids you have", then don't say anything at all.

Even the Critter knows that rule, and he's only 2 1/2.


Anonymous MMcDad said...

BRAVO for you! They should know better than to mess with anyone who is 7 months pregnant.

9:46 AM  
Blogger lagitti said...

When I first became pregnant with my daughter (I'm a single mother and the father is like hurricanes: once or twice a year maybe three), so many people would be so surprised that: first, I would LET it happen, second, decided to have it, and three, alone! and they would say it to me!!!! Before I was a mother, I confess, I was very judgemental about other people choices when it came to family when I kept my opinions to myself. I was thaught that one doesn't intrude into other people's lives. period. But pregnant women and mothers attract all kinds of "unsolicited advice" to say the least. I had an array of answers varying on the kind of person making the comment: from funny to mild to the "I-had-sex-with-your-husband-and-he-wouldn't-marry-me-so-he-doesn't-have-to-pay-you-anything" type. It also depended on the mood I was that day, but It always made me feel better. So, let 'em have it!

9:54 AM  
Blogger Mama Duck said...

Funny isn't it?

When strangers start paying my bills they can start giving me advice.

10:04 AM  
Blogger Tee said...

Well said! My 2 boys are 3 years apart but that's because after the pain of the first one I thought I didn't want anymore. Took me 3 years to recover. ROFL! ... And now, even though I want a third, we just can't afford it.

I think it's awesome that your kids are so close in age :)

11:43 AM  
Blogger TBG said...

Sorry people are so crappy. Family and friends are usually the worst. How sad is that.

As I have said before there were 5 of us 2 in 16 months and then 10 years later 3 in 3 years. My mom got it all, oh you are starting over. Why would you do that? Dont you think you have enough? Etc. Never ending. Really no ones business. My friend has 3 in 2 years and she gets the comments all the time. Leave her alone she tried for 7 years to have the first she is just so happy to have her kids regardless how close.

Hang in there and ignore the ignorance. I think it is great to have kids so close.

My mother in law had 6 in 8 years and then she had my husband 7 years later. To each his own who cares what others do. Frankly it is no ones business.

Your boys are adorable and seem so happy. I cant wait to see the new addition added into your great family.

11:48 AM  
Anonymous Queens said...

Totally understand, though we don't have kids, we get the "What's wrong with you?" question all the time, along with the "Are you selfish?" counterpart. I know you are doing an awesome job with the kids!!

11:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That must be really frustrating. I can't believe some people feel the need to judge.

But be careful you aren't judging, too.

"We have chosen not to raise a series of "only children" who have nothing in common, and are siblings in name only."

My brothers are much older than me; the youngest was eight when I was born. They have never treated me differently and I am their sister. My mother married my father, who brought the boys into their family from his previous marriage, and then they had me.

All kinds of families work, if the parents facilitate it.

And my kids are three years apart and are the best of friends.

Congrats on the upcoming addition; girls are quite an experience!

12:03 PM  
Blogger MMC said...

Thanks everyone for the kind words. And to anon, my point exactly: all kinds of families work if the parent(s) are committed to making it so. My sarcasm may have come across the wrong way, I am certainly not judging anyone, merely stating my own reasons for my choice.

12:37 PM  
Blogger Monkey said...

great job!!! :)

the nerve of some people astounds me sometimes...lol...and every thing you said as well as the question "are they all yours"...hello, they are with me...so today, yes, they are all mine...LOL...

when in november are you due? my son was born in nov... :)


3:03 PM  
Blogger Tammy said...


If it works for you, and obviously it does, go for it.

Where do complete strangers get the balls to say things to you about your fertility practices?

3:56 PM  
Blogger SoozieQ said...

I agree! With you and anon. My soon to be born Niece is going to be 8 years younger than her brother, but it's due to my SIL's previous marriage. Not exactly a choice, but my SIL & Brother did have to make a decision to go ahead and add to the family. Even though some people think they were wrong, being that my SIL is 40 (my brother is only 30). In today's day and age, being 40 is NOT too old in my opinion

Still no one has the right to judge them, you or ANYONE. I truly believe that.

I will admit that I'm not totally innocent...Sometimes I think that some people probably shouldn't have had kids (due to neglect, abuse, etc)

So um do you need me to send you a "Diaper Cake" or some Butt Paste or do you have everything covered? :-)

4:19 PM  
Blogger Kami said...

Reminds me of the cross-eyed look we get from people who are shocked that we are having just the one. Like we're doing something awful to him. Whatever! To each her own, right?

5:12 PM  
Blogger Mainline Mom said...

Drive-by-mothering...happens to the best of us. Sometimes constantly. Sometimes from those closest to us.

11:16 AM  
Blogger Carrie said...

Wow! People have some nerve! I don't really see what is so awful about having kids so close together, that's how my sis and I ended up being such great friends. If it makes you feel any better, the kind of people who say that stuff to you are the kind of tacky people that find something to say about everyone. I'm soooo sick of being told how I'm not getting any younger and should start trying to nail a man down and start a family because I'll be 30 in a few months. *gasp* I might as well check myself into the nursing home for old maids today.... found my way here via Mama Duck. :)

4:48 PM  
Blogger Nessa said...

so true, but please don't judge us that have chosen (consciously) to have ours further apart..."We have chosen not to raise a series of "only children" who have nothing in common, and are siblings in name only." It's been a wonderful decision for us and they do not consider themselves "only children." I hope I've never made an offending comment to you, as I think your boys are beautiful and that you seem like an awesome family!

3:16 PM  
Blogger MMC said...

I am against anyone judging anyone else about virtually anything. I tried to make it clear that our choice was just that....the choice we made b/c it works for us. I would never presume to tell anyone what to do within their own family....that was the point of the post. Sorry if the sarcasm got out of hand.....but the personoified "straw that broke the camel's back" happened to have 3 kids about 9 years apart...yes all hers.

12:30 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home