Tuesday, August 16, 2005

I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up....sort of


It has happened.
I knew the day would come, but I hadn't really given it that much thought.
My 3-times-weekly trip to my lovely gym are my escape. Especially when Daddy McAustin travels. I can drop my kids off with highly capable child care staff and go about my workout with single-minded concentration. I am always in my own world plugged into my headphones, listening to NPR news most of the time. I do this like clockwork, due to the fact that I must make child care reservations for the kids two weeks in advance, and pay an reasonable hourly rate for the time they're there.
Over the last few months, as I have progressed through the various sports ball-equivalents of pregnancy, I have altered my routine to accomodate the changes: instead of running on the treadmill, I do the elliptical trainer, I cut back and then cut out traditional crunches, etc. I am now at the "small beachball stage", carrying all out front, and VERY low. That said, as I was going about my new-usual weight training circuit the last time, I got to the upper body bench work section, and after I was done, realized that it was going to be difficult getting up from my prone position. I lay there with the buzz of the radio in my ears, and contemplated how to get up while a) not allowing the 25 pound long bar in my hands to crash to the floor, b)not hurting myself or anyone else by smacking them upside the head/body/legs with said bar, and c)not making a complete idiot of my pregnant self in the process. Luckily, an acquaintance was nearby who offered to take the bar and help me up. (I won't even go into the humiliation THAT could have been due to the fact that this 50-something gal has a body TO DIE FOR, the tan to match, and NOT A SINGLE OUNCE OF JIGGLE anywhere, seriously. She also happens to be one of the nicest, most modest, unassuming people on earth....thank God.) Anyway, so I make a Mental Note to myself to change to the upright bench next time, and go about my business without incident.
"Mental Note", yeah, right.

Here's the scene:
MMC going about the workout, while listening to an inspiring "This I Believe" segment on ATC.
MMC picks up the afforementioned long bar.
MMC proceeds to the HORIZONTAL bench.
MMC LIES DOWN.
Mental Note comes to mind...a little.too.late.
At that moment I knew I was in real trouble. There was absolutely NO ONE anywhere around. It was a really pretty day with mild temps, so all the hardbodies were working out in the great outdoors. I just had to laugh - which made those 'long ligaments' in my abdomen hurt. It was laugh or cry. Finally, I went ahead and did my sets, all the while formulating a plan to get back upright....a variation of the "Stop, Drop, and Roll" maneuver taught to school children to avoid being changed into a crispy critter in the event of catching on fire. We'll call mine the Beached Whale Roll. Here's the plan:
1. Transfer the long bar to right hand, running the same direction as body.
2. Drop the bar on the ground as gently as possible.
3. Plant right foot firmly on the ground, bend left knee toward body.
4. Gently roll off bench onto the floor.
5. Hold belly and stifle curses caused by shooting long ligament pain.
6. After vision returns to single images, and breathing can resume, get to standing position.

Yes, just call me orka.

5 Comments:

Anonymous MMCDAD said...

Have you thought about taking this routine to SNL tryout time?

12:20 PM  
Blogger TBG said...

Yikes that stinks. Atleast you are still working out that is great. Good luck with the future workouts.

1:36 PM  
Blogger Wethyb said...

That does suck! I'm glad you escaped w/ no injuries :)

Okay, got my blog changed. It's now wethyb.blogspot :)

2:45 PM  
Blogger Mainline Mom said...

Umm...just a question I have been thinking about as I watch two other very pregnant women at my gym every morning...are you supposed to be lifting weights? I thought you weren't supposed to lift any more than 25 pounds while you were pregnant. Anyway, I'm glad you're staying fit, and I hope that I will continue my new fitness craze right through my next pregnancy. (NO, I'M NOT PREGNANT!)

7:47 PM  
Blogger MMC said...

To MMom: Yes, you are correct about the lifting of weights....in theory. I have clearance from my ob who says that as long as I'm doing the exercises properly and isolating the targeted muscles, I should be fine for the duration. The reality is that I have these two monkeys: a 30- and 28-pounder, and that's where I have to concentrate on lifting correctly. The caution is so that idiotic absentminded women don't get into situations that could be dangerous...you know...like the one you just read about!

8:39 PM  

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